愛情探究:情侶分手的三大深層原因

Based on the intrinsic complexity of personal feelings, there are an endless number of reasons why relationships fail. However, I believe there are 3 primary factors that form the basis for which every other problem stems. When a relationship turns sour you can be sure that at least 1 of these 3 factors is to blame.

基於每個人感受天生的複雜性，有無數的原因會導致情侶分手。然而，我認爲有3條主要的因素是導致其他所有問題的根源。如果一段感情開始變壞，那麼可以肯定這3條因素裏面至少有一條是罪魁禍首。

1. Do I really like her, or just her gestures? – Everyone loves attention. When a member of the opposite sex goes out of their way to make you aware of it, it feels good. If they repeat the action a few more times and you return the favor, a shallow relationship forms. The true measure of compatibility occurs shortly there after. Once the initial excitement of this attention wears thin, what are you left with? Do you really like who this person is, or did you just enjoy their gestures? On occasion people you like will take actions you dislike. Likewise, people you dislike will get your attention by taking actions you do like. It’s important to understand both sides and be capable of distinguishing between the two.

我真的喜歡她這個人？還是說你只是喜歡她表現出的姿態？——每個人都喜歡受人矚目。如果一大堆異性特意地去引起你的注意，你會感到很棒。如果他（她）們這樣再來幾次，而你也給以相應的回報，那麼一段淺層的感情就建立起來了。而能否和睦相處的真正考驗在不久後就會來臨。一旦最初對於這種關注的興奮慢慢退去，你們還剩下什麼？你真的喜歡那個人嗎，還是你只是喜歡他（她）們表現出的姿態？你喜歡的人有時會表現出你不喜歡的行爲，同樣你不喜歡的人有時也會表現出你喜歡的行爲從而引起你的注意。要理解並能夠分辨出這兩者之間的區別是非常重要的。

2. We have stability and reliability, but I’m bored. – Once a relationship gets serious this is one of the top killers. We all want excitement in our lives. One of the most exciting things in life is discovering the unknown. Curiosity is what keeps us moving forward, but one must learn to properly hone curiosity. The first part of a serious relationship is primarily about the discovery of your partner’s entire aura. But once you know everything about them, where do you turn for a source of excitement? The answer is quite simple. Discover new things and create new experiences together. The only thing more fulfilling than a new experience is the act of sharing that same experience with someone else.

我們之間的關係很穩定而且也很可靠，但是我有點厭倦了。——一旦要認真起來對待一段感情，這是頭號殺手。我們都希望生活中充滿興奮刺激。而生活最讓人興奮的事情之一就是去探索未知的事物。好奇心是推動我們發展的動力，但是一個人要學會適當的把握自己的好奇心。在一段認真地感情中首要的第一件事情恐怕就是探索對方整個的個性。但是一旦你瞭解了對方的一切，你再到哪裏去尋找興奮的來源呢？答案很簡單，探索新的事物並且一起去創造新的體驗。比新的體驗更讓人滿足的就是與別人一同分享共同的體驗。

3. She has wonderful qualities, but I get stuck on her flaws. - It’s always easier to destroy than to create. Likewise, it’s easier to be negative than it is to be positive. Many relationships fail because both parties concentrate their attention on their partner’s flaws instead of the qualities they love about them. You learn the most about somebody by figuring out their strong points, rather than disputing their weak points. Over time both partners can work on their weak points collectively, so long as each person keeps a positive attitude and an honest line of communication. Keep in mind that it is impossible work on the weak points of a relationship if you are incapable of seeing your partner’s strong qualities.

她有很多的優點，但我就是忍受不了她的缺點。——破壞總是比創造來的更容易。同樣，否定也比肯定更容易。很多情侶最終分手就是因爲雙方都只注意到對方身上的缺點而忽視了他們所喜歡的優點。通過指出別人的優點能更好的瞭解他，而不是爭論他的弱點。只要雙方都能保持積極的態度並且真誠的溝通，久而久之就能一起來解決各自的弱點了。要記住如果在戀愛中你不能看到對方的優點，那也不可能解決對方的缺點。