社交媒體破壞我們約會的10種方式(下)

ng Has Become Too Casual

5.約會變得太隨意

Just as the accelerated intensity of a relationship that can be spurred by infatuation, languidly trudging though the dating pool with only casual intentions can also have adverse effects. Moreover, the lines between "hanging out", "dating", and "exclusivity" have become so blurred, they're more like globs of confusion than lines at all. Yes, that metaphor may have made little-to-no sense, but I stand by it. Denise Hewitt, a Manhattan-based television producer knows what I'm talking about.

就像過度的癡迷會拉開兩人親密的關係，同樣，態度散漫、吊兒郎當地去赴約也會有不好的影響。再者，"出去玩""普通約會"和"專屬約會"這幾個概念間的界限已經變得模糊起來，相比於分明的界限這更像是一團迷惑。對，這個暗喻可能沒什麼道理，但我認同。曼哈頓的實時記者丹妮絲·休伊特知道我在說些什麼。

"The new date is 'hanging out'" Hewitt told The New York Times. She recalled a guy friend validating her sentiment by saying: "I don't like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I'm doing — going to an event, a concert." Indeed "hanging out" has now become synonymous with actual dating. With all pre-dating conversation going exclusively to the nonchalance of text, apps, and dating websites, it's hard to decipher whether a relationship is even romantic or not. Whereas several decades ago finding someone to marry sought after with urgency (a staple of a different time that wasn't necessarily a positive one), we have now gone to the completely opposite end of the spectrum, where too many options may keep us from finding someone to share our lives with.

"新的約會已經意味着是'出去玩'，"休伊特告訴《紐約時報》。她的一位男性朋友的話可以證明她的觀點："我不喜歡帶女生出去。我喜歡讓她們跟我一起做點什麼，像去社交場合，音樂會什麼的。"事實上，現在"出去玩"已經成爲了約會的同義詞。當所有約會前的交流都是通過沒有感情的短信、軟件和交友網站，很難判斷到底這個關係是不是愛情。幾十年前要找個人結婚是件急急忙忙的事（雖然最終結果因情況而異），而現在，我們有的選擇太多了，很難找到一個共享生活的人。

4.Potential Companions Know Too Much About Your Past Before Meeting You In The Present

4.在見面前，你潛在的朋友就會充分了解你的過去

A staple of healthy relationships is taking time to get to know each other and establishing a foundation of trust before revealing your past secrets and vulnerabilities. In the age of social media and ever-evolving technology, a potential date or suitor can glean a roster of information on you before you've even met face to face. Where people used to be able to discard polaroids of less-than-flattering situations, and regretful anecdotes about past relationships were only exposed during ventilations between friends as opposed to status updates, every thought, embarrassing moment, and personal anecdote can now be garnered faster than one can say "Google". As Complex puts it, "Because one of your supposed friends tagged an incriminating picture of you on Facebook and now you have to explain to your precious princess girlfriend why her seemingly straight-laced knight in shining armor was acting out a scene from a Girls Gone Wild DVD. Good luck with that, and, in the future, make sure you set your Facebook tags so you can approve them first."

一段健康正常關係的重點就在於花時間去了解對方，並以此建立信任基礎，然後再慢慢透露自己過去的祕密和弱點。然而在社交媒體和技術不斷髮展的今天，那些潛在的約會或求婚對象在你們約會前就可以全面地收集到你所有信息。在過去，人們想刪掉的不好看的舊照，一些追悔莫及的往事都只能向好友傾訴，而非在網上分享。可現在，要想知道你的每一份想法，每一次尷尬，每一件軼事比"谷歌"一下還快。就像Complex網站說的，你所謂的網友搜到你臉書上的私人照片，然後你就不得不去向你的寶貝女友解釋爲什麼她穿着閃亮亮的盔甲看上去像是從 Girls Gone Wild 視頻裏走出來的一板一眼的騎士。祝你好運，請記住，將來在設置你的臉書標籤時，一定要確保有一天被追問時能解釋得了。

Furthermore, any mystery that used to exist at the start of a new relationship has now been dismantled by social media and technology. According to Elite Daily, "You are literally stripping the discovery process out of dating. One of the best parts of a relationship is getting to know the other person. These different social media platforms take all of that novelty away."

此外，現如今，在一段新關係開始前，任何曾經的祕密在社交媒介和技術面前都無所遁形。《據精英日報》記載："是你自己剝奪了約會過程中不斷探索發掘的過程。因爲一段關係中最迷人的階段就是花精力去了解另一個人，可這些各式各樣的社交媒介平臺把所有的新鮮感都剝奪了。"

imentalities Like Candid Photos And Handwritten Messages Are No More

3.偷拍和手寫信件的情趣已不再

"There's a shoebox in my closet where I keep every love letter, scribbled note, or snapshot from dudes of yore, and ever since I signed my first cell phone contract, my contributions to my shoebox have dwindled. Coincidence? I think not." This anecdote came from Thought Catalog's Anna Goldfarb, who went on to note other sentimentalities that have long lost their novelty — and become pretty much nonexistent — in today's tech-driven dating culture. Gone are the days when a ticket stub from the first movie you saw with your S.O. Instead, we "check in" on Facebook about which theater we are at, which movie we are seeing, and who we are with. This saturation of interconnectedness completely nixes the privacy of a first date — along with any subsequent dates. Candid photos no longer are found in a prized shoebox, but rather on a slew of social media websites and apps where they are put through a variety of filters and mock airbrushing for all the world to see. As for handwritten messages, has anyone picked up a pencil lately for anything? Even grocery lists can be converted to text or a "notes" function on smartphones. Rather than passing a handwritten note in glass that has been conspicuously folded into what may or may not be an origami heart, teenagers are tweeting their inner monologues for all the world to see.

"在我的壁櫥裏，有一個鞋盒，那裏藏着我的情書、隨筆和舊友通訊錄。自從開通了我第一臺智能機，我對鞋盒的貢獻就減少了。這是巧合麼？我可不信。"這個小發現來源於《思想目錄》的安娜·戈德法布，她一直堅持這溫情的習慣，記錄每天發生的新奇事兒，但這在今天這個技術驅使的文化背景下變得越來越沒有存在感。那些第一次和愛人去看電影時會小心翼翼存下電影票根的日子已經一去不復返了。相反，我們現在只需註冊臉書用戶，就能找到我們想要去的影院，想要看的電影，想要相伴的人。然而，由於互聯網，在第一次和接下來的所有約會中你的個人隱私都會完全暴露。快照不再出現在鞋盒裏，而由社交平臺或軟件取而代之，在那裏，人們能加很多的濾鏡和模板，以讓所有人都看到。至於手寫信件，好好想想，最近還會有人拿起筆來寫東西麼？連食品雜貨店的清單都被改成了電子版，或者就用手機下單。比起把一份折成心形的手寫筆記展在玻璃櫃臺裏，現代青少年們更喜歡用推特來分享自己的故事。

mate Moments Have Lost Their Intimacy

2.親密時刻不再親密

"If it's not Facebook official, it doesn't count," has become a popular mantra of the 21st century's dating generation. The only two people that truly know the depth and intimacy involved in a romantic relationship are…well…the two people involved. Social media has dismantled a fourth wall that used to exist in dating. Sure, facets of your relationship would be revealed during outings with friends and family, but there are other private moments that are arguably better left out of the public eye. Back before the advent social media and internet becoming a household commodity, people that you knew from middle school wouldn't have an all-access pass to your relationship status and intimate date nights. Today, failing to list your exclusivity — or lack thereof — on your Facebook profile is met with slackened jaws and knitted brows of concern. "Is he your boyfriend?" "Why aren't you two Facebook official yet?" "What do you mean he's 'not into social media'? Clearly, he must be cheating on you."

"再不註冊Facebook你就out了！"成爲了21世紀約會時代的流行口號。在一段曖昧關係中，只有當事人才知道真正的親密程度，再次強調，這是隻屬於兩個人之間的小祕密。可是現在社交媒體已經成功拆除了約會中的那道防護牆。當然，當你和朋友、家人外出時，你的人際關係難免會泄露，但其他私人時間無疑是可以避開公衆的。在社交媒體的出現初期和互聯網普及之前，你中學同學不會毫無顧忌地公開你現在的戀愛狀態和深夜密會的八卦。現如今，你要是沒把你的所有公之於衆或者缺乏這些意識，你臉書上就會出現各種閒言碎語："他是你的男朋友嗎？""爲什麼你還沒有兩個臉書賬號？""'他不上網'?這是什麼意思？很顯然，他一定是在騙你。"

People are basically encouraged to disclose every date night, every relationship update, and a litany of other things on social media. Not only does this lift the curtain on what was historically supposed to be a private relationship, it diminishes the significance by turning romance into a public broadcast. As Complex puts it, "You can engage in sappy, disgusting public demonstrations of affection on your Facebook page…You can tweet at work, Skype on your lunch break, and Vine yourself doing laundry. This totally diminishes the importance of the relationship. Unless being emotionally and psychologically detached from the physical importance of being around other human beings is your thing…"

基本上，大家都希望別人能在社交媒體同步自己每一次深夜約會的情況，每一段戀情的進展和其他等等諸如此類的。這不僅扯掉了戀情原本私密的面紗，還讓戀愛因公開透明而喪失了它獨有的韻味。正如Complex網站所說："你可以在Facebook上曬出你又愚蠢又噁心的愛情……你可以在工作時玩推特，在午休時用Skype，在洗衣服時上Vine。除非你能將自己的心理情感和其他人純粹的八卦天性完全一分爲二，否則，公佈這些狀態絕對會削弱戀愛的意義。"

cting The Unexpected Is Archaic

1.舊人類才期待邂逅

Because of social media and technology, the beauty of happenstance has become archaic. Hearing stories about how two people met serendipitously has kind of become like a shooting star — you're lucky if you see it once, if at all. I remember the mantra about love "happening when you least expect it" growing up, but those words have seemingly long been forgotten by today's dating culture. Being that so many people meet online, through apps, or are at least holding several dating site accounts means that everyone is looking for that person (or several people). This now commonplace behavior upends the pleasant surprise people used to experience when happening upon a compatible mate in the most random of circumstances. Moreover, there are still plenty of opportunities throughout everyday life that could lead to a moment of romantic happenstance, but the prevalence of dating apps and websites could actually prevent us from becoming privy to these real-life encounters.

拜社交媒體和現代科技所賜，因邂逅擦出的美麗火花已成過往。聽說前世三百次回眸才能換得今生一次擦肩而過，每一次邂逅都燦若流星，如果這是真的，哪怕只看見一次，你也是幸運無比。我還記得"愛情總是來得始料不及"這一系列愛的咒語，但那些話似乎早已被如今的約會文化遺忘。太多人藉助App面基，還有的人擁有好幾個交友網站的賬號，他們都在努力尋找適合自己的那個人（或那幾個人）。這些行爲現在看起來司空見慣，卻完全顛覆了那些喜歡意外驚喜之人的傳統觀念，要知道他們可曾只因一個偶然就遇見了可以攜手一生的伴侶。此外，在日常生活中有很多機會來一場浪漫邂逅，但交友軟件和網站的盛行卻生生切斷了這樣一種可能。

Matchmaker and founder of the Paul C. Brunson Agency, Paul Brunson, expounded upon this when speaking with ABC about an "elitist" dating app called The League, where users are curated by things like social economic status, physical appeal, and more. He criticized this and other apps by telling ABC, "We'll be so focused on our phones and our online matches, that we won't ever look up and see someone who may be potentially perfect for us." Indeed, modern dating culture has become so unremittingly connected to technological advances but completely disconnected when it comes to real-life connections.

保羅·C·布朗森公司的創始人保羅布朗森就是一位月老。他同ABC談起一款針對上流人士的交友App"聯盟"時說到，該軟件可提供社會經濟地位、外貌吸引力等指標爲用戶篩選出他們心儀的對象。在ABC的訪談中，保羅強烈指責了這類似的軟件："要是我們的目光只聚集在手機軟件和交友網站，這輩子都別指望找到你那位還沒有出現的真愛。"的確，現代約會文明與科技進步息息相關，在現實生活中兩者卻沒有必然聯繫。

審校：彼得潘 編輯：listen 來源：前十網