爲什麼你不該覺得離婚是件丟人的事兒

When Ellen Myers finalised her divorce in 2013 she felt an overwhelming sense of freedom - and a deep sense of shame. "It was a weird time," she recalls. "On one hand I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but at the same time, I didn't want anyone to know."

當艾倫·邁爾斯於2013年離婚時，她感到特別自由--但也覺得特別丟人。"當時特別尷尬，"她回憶道。"一方面，我想將這件事大聲告訴每個人，但同時，我又不想讓任何人知道。"

The Colorado mom had married young, at just 18, and had children right away. Like many divorced people, she felt embarrassed that she hadn't been able to make her marriage last. She became convinced her friends and family were all silently thinking, I told you this would never work. But worse were the slights she dealt with in public - glances at her empty ring finger, a lack of invitations from former friends, and, most troublingly, a pointed remark from a clergy member at her church, who read Myers discouraging stats about children of divorce, then suggested she continue to endure her abusive situation for her kids' sake. She even faced rejection from a potential landlord after disclosing that she was a single mother who relied on child support for income.

這位來自科羅拉多州的母親結婚結得特別早，18歲結婚後就立馬生了孩子。和許多離婚的人一樣，她爲不能維持自己的婚姻而感到難爲情。她相信她的朋友和家人肯定都在心裏默默地想着：我告訴你這不會有用的。但更難受的是接受大衆的目光--人們看着她沒戴戒指的手、不再受到以前朋友的邀請，最令人不安的是，她所在教堂的神職人員對她說了句尖刻的話，他給邁爾斯讀了有關離婚孩童的使人氣餒的數據，然後建議她應該爲了孩子繼續忍受被虐的情況。在她告訴一位潛在房東自己是單親母親，收入來源於孩童撫養時，她甚至遭到了租房拒絕。

"He told me he never rented to single moms because the 'deadbeat dads' didn't pay up and he 'didn't need that kind of drama'," Myers recalls. "It was awful. Even though I knew, deep down, I'd made the best choice for me and my children, it was hard not to feel like I'd failed."

"他告訴我他從來沒有把房子租給單身母親過，因爲'賴債不還的父親'不會付賬，他不希望看到那樣戲劇性的場景，"邁爾斯回憶道。"那太可怕了。即使我內心深知我會爲我和我的孩子做出最好的選擇，但卻還是很容易覺得自己失敗了。"

Myers isn't the only woman who has struggled with feelings of shame about her split. Despite the ubiquity of divorce - just over half of marriages will make it to the 20-year mark, according to the most recent data from the National Survey of Family Growth - there is still a lingering stigma that many people, especially women, face, says Anita C. Savage, a divorce and family law attorney at GoransonBain.

邁爾斯並不是一個人，還有很多女性對自己的離婚也感到羞恥。國家家庭成長調查的最新數據顯示：儘管離婚到處都是--只有一半以上的婚姻將持續到20年--但是很多人，尤其是女人，仍然面臨着徘徊不去的恥辱，GoransonBain的離婚和家庭法律師Anita C. Savage說道。

"I've seen countless clients who feel stigmatised by their divorce. In fact, despite my profession, I was one of them," she admits. "I was embarrassed and ashamed to tell my friends and family that I could not make my marriage work."

"我見過很多爲離婚感到羞恥的客戶。事實上，儘管我是離婚律師，我仍和她們有一樣的感受，"她承認道。"我不好意思告訴自己的朋友和家人，無法說出自己經營不了自己的家庭。"

And while it's perfectly normal to feel that way, Savage says, shame should never enter into the picture. Getting divorced doesn't mean you're "dumb" or "damaged goods."

雖然有羞恥感是件完全正常的事，Savage說，但實際上，人們不應該覺得離婚是件丟人的事兒。離婚並不意味着你"蠢"，也不意味着你是"殘貨。"