他她話題:女人婚前不可不知的7件事

The New York Times reported that over half of the births to US women younger than 30 occurred outside of marriage in 2009. Most of the ongoingrise of births to unmarried women occurred to couples living together but unmarried. So why don't these young women want to get married?

《紐約時報》報道，在2009年，30歲前懷孕的美國女性中有超過半數是未婚生子。這一數據目前還在持續增長。這裏面的很多女性是跟愛人處在未婚同居的狀況。爲什麼她們不想結婚？

Here are seven of the areas that the women who answered my question, "What is the most important thing you wish you had known before you were married?" mentioned most frequently.

對此我進行了一個調查，我的問題是“什麼是你在結婚前最想知道的事情？” 以下7件事是她們提到次數最多的回答：

1. I wish I'd known what marriage is really like.

1. 我希望自己知道婚姻的真實面目。

Many of these women got most of their information (really misinformation) about what marriage was supposed to be like from the media and they believed it until reality struck.

婚姻應該是什麼樣的？大部分女性都是從媒體獲得的相關信息（其實都是錯誤信息），她們對這些深信不疑，直到受到現實的衝擊。

2. I wish I'd known more about myself.

2. 我希望我更瞭解自己。

These women had very little idea of who they were or would like to be when they were not trying to please the people around them.

在卸下取悅他人的面孔後，很多女性根本不知道自己是誰，自己想成爲什麼樣的人。

3. I wish I hadn't been in such a hurry so I could've taken the time I needed.

3. 我希望我沒有如此趕着結婚，這樣我就能一切慢慢來。

These women feel pressure to marry prematurelyboth internally from themselves and from others.

這些女性對於自己和伴侶在不夠成熟的狀況下走入婚姻表示很有壓力。

4. I wish I knew just how much family patterns could influence us.

4. 我希望我瞭解家庭模式會對我們的婚姻造成怎樣深遠的影響。

These women were so surprised by how difficult it was to blend their own ideas with their husbands' family influenced ideas of what marriage was supposed to be like.

這些女性在婚後發現，很難將自己和丈夫因爲不同家庭環境影響而產生的對婚姻根深蒂固的看法融合到一起。

5. I wish I'd known that bad behavior can get worse.

5. 我希望自己知道壞行爲只會變得更糟糕。

This very common response came from women who made excuses for their fiance's behavior before marriage. They were surprised that they weren't able to change it.

這是那些爲自己的未婚夫在婚前的不良行爲找藉口的女性的共同反應。她們在婚後發現丈夫根本改不掉那些習慣。

6. I wish I'd paid a whole lot more attention to money.

6. 我希望我有更關心錢的問題。

Some women surprised themselves by how capably they managed money once they were forced to do so. Others realized how they have given away their power by not taking joint responsibility for the couple's money.

有些女性很驚奇的發現，一旦她們被迫理財，她們就會發現自己在錢財問題上多麼精明能幹。還有一些則意識到沒有跟丈夫共同承擔家庭財務責任，其實是放棄權力的做法。

7. I wish I'd known what it really takes to makes a marriage work.

7. 我希望我知道怎麼樣才能經營好一段婚姻。

Many of these women shared the challenges they had met in the lessons they've learned along the way to help them eventuallymake their marriages work.

很多女性在經營婚姻的道路上都面臨過同樣的挑戰，正是這些挑戰讓她們慢慢摸索出瞭如何才能經營好一段婚姻。