雙語閱讀：日記不是治癒分手創傷的靈丹妙藥

摘要：如果你得到了一張有關寫作的處方，它可能是這麼寫的：花一點時間寫日記，然後出去走走。

WRITING about your feelings, a practice longembraced by teenagers and folk singers, is nowattracting attention as a path to good health. And arecent study suggests that reflecting on youremotions could help you get over a breakup. But,one of its authors says, journaling can have itsdownsides.

寫下自己的感想，這種長期被青少年和民謠歌手所採納的做法，目前正作爲一種保持健康的途徑，吸引着人們的注意力。最近的一項研究表明，反思自己的情緒能幫你渡過分手時期。但是，論文的一名作者稱，記日記可能會產生消極影響。

Is structured self-reflection, as some suggest, a healthy tuneup for the heart and head — orcan it make hurt feelings worse?

有人建議進行有條理的自我反思，但這樣做會讓身心得到健康的調整——還是會讓受傷害的感覺更加強烈?

For a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, Grace on, a graduate student at Northwestern University, and David A. Sbarra, a psychologyprofessor at the University of Arizona, looked at self-reflection through a speaking recruited 210 young people (they ranged in age from 17 to 29) who had recently brokenup with their partners, and then split this brokenhearted sample into two groups.

美國西北大學(Northwestern University)的研究生格雷斯·M·拉爾森(Grace M. Larson)和亞利桑那大學(University of Arizona)的心理學教授戴維·A·斯巴拉(David A. Sbarra)在《社會心理與人格科學》(SocialPsychological and Personality Science)期刊上發表了一篇論文，爲此，他們通過自述對自我反思進行了研究。他們招募了210名最近與伴侶分手的年輕人(年齡從17歲到29歲不等)，然後把這些極度傷心的研究對象分成兩組。

One filled out a questionnaire on how they were feeling, then completed a four-minuteassignment in which they were asked to talk into a recording device, free-associating inresponse to questions like, “When did you first realize you and your partner were headedtoward breaking up?” This group repeated the same exercise three, six and nine weeks later.

其中一組需要填寫關於個人感受的調查問卷，然後再對着一臺錄音設備講話4分鐘，對於“你從什麼時候開始意識到自己和伴侶即將分手”等問題，他們可以自由聯想。這組人在3周、6周和9周之後，重複了同樣的任務。

The second group filled out the questionnaire at the beginning and the end of the nine-weekstudy period (they did the speaking exercise only once, after filling out their finalquestionnaires).

第二組則在最初和爲期9周的研究即將結束時填寫了調查問卷(他們只在填完最後的調查問卷後，做過一次自述)。

Ms. Larson and Dr. Sbarra found that the breakup sufferers in the first group experiencedgreater improvements in “self-concept clarity” than those in the second. Dr. Sbarra definesself-concept clarity as “the degree to which you understand yourself as a person.” He andMs. Larson measured it by asking subjects how much they agreed with statements like “I donot feel like myself anymore” or “I have regained my identity.” Much of our understanding ofourselves can be bound up in our relationships with our partners, Dr. Sbarra explained — and ifwe break up, it can be hard to answer questions like “Who am I?” or “Who are my friends?” or“How should I spend my time?” The speaking exercise helped people, he explained, because “itimproved their sense of self independent of their former partner.”

拉爾森和斯巴拉發現，與第二組因爲分手而備受折磨的人相比，第一組人在“自我概念清晰性”方面有更大的改善。根據斯巴拉的定義，自我概念清晰性指的是“人對自身存在的理解程度”。他和拉爾森通過詢問研究對象對一些觀點的認可程度，對這一點進行了評測。這些觀點包括“我覺得自己已經不像自己了”和“我已經找回了自我”等等。斯巴拉解釋道，我們對自身的理解在很大程度上可能都與我們和伴侶的關係緊密相關，所以一旦分手，像“我是誰”、“我的朋友都有哪些”或者“我應該如何打發時間”這樣的問題，就往往會變得難以回答。他解釋說，自述能幫助人們，因爲“它可以幫人們提高脫離於前情侶的自立感”。

That improved sense of self, in turn, led to reductions in loneliness and “emotional intrusion.”As for why the exercise worked, Dr. Sbarra has a few theories. “There is a degree ofhabituation that takes place as you are repeatedly thinking and talking about the process” of abreakup, he said. “You defang it a little bit.” And, he added, hearing yourself say something mayprove revelatory. He imagines a subject’s internal monologue: “I didn’t know I seemed to begetting better until I said I seemed to be getting better. I must be getting better.”

這種經過提高的自我意識，反過來又能減少孤獨感和“情緒入侵”。至於自述爲什麼會起作用，斯巴拉有幾個推測。“隨着你反覆思考和談論分手過程，就會產生一定程度的習慣化，”他說。“這樣會削弱它的影響力。”他還說，聽自己講述一些內容，可能會具有啓發性。他想象研究對象的內心獨白：“直到我說出自己似乎好些了，才知道我似乎真的已經好些了。我一定要好起來。”

For people going through breakups without the benefit of psychology researchers to recordtheir thoughts, Dr. Sbarra says the study offers some insights. Getting back your sense of selfafter a breakup, he argued, is crucial: “You really need to figure out a way to pull yourself backtogether and to try to get some reorganization in terms of who you are, what you do, how youspend your time.” You may not need a recording device to do that — Dr. Sbarra believes thatyou might also be able to rebuild your self-concept by writing, “in a stream-of-consciousnessway, how you’re feeling about things.”

斯巴拉說，對於那些在分手後沒有心理學研?a href="">咳嗽卑鎪羌鍬枷敕ǖ娜耍庀鈦芯刻峁┝艘恍┢舴ⅰＫ銜詵質趾笳一刈暈乙饈噸涼刂匾?ldquo;你真的需要找到一種找回自我的方式，試着對你是誰，你要做什麼，你應該如何打發時間等問題進行重組。”做到這一點，你或許並不需要錄音設備——斯巴拉認爲你或許也能通過寫作來重塑自我概念，“以一種意識流的方式來書寫你對事物的感覺”。

OTHER researchers see benefits from self-reflective writing beyond soothing post-breakuppain — and the practice is drawing media attention, too. At the news website Mic, Rachel Gratecites research by a team from New Zealand showing that writing exercises may aid woundhealing. She also quotes the psychologist James W. Pennebaker of the University of Texas atAustin: “When people are given the opportunity to write about emotional upheavals, theyoften experience improved health.”

還有一些研究人員發現，進行反思式寫作除了可以緩解分手後的痛苦，還有其他好處，這種做法也獲得了媒體關注。在新聞網站Mic上，拉赫爾·格拉特(Rachel Grate)提到了一個新西蘭團隊的研究項目，該研究說明寫作聯繫可能有助於創傷修復。她還引用德克薩斯大學奧斯汀分校(University of Texas at Austin)心理學家詹姆斯·W·佩內貝克(James W. Pennebaker)的話稱，“當人們有機會記錄自己的情緒波動時，他們的健康狀況通常會有所改善。”

According to James Hamblin at The Atlantic, a 2012 study found that writing improved qualityof life for breast cancer patients. Laura I. Miller at the website Bustle offers 12 reasons weshould all resolve to write more in 2015. And “if writing about the difficult parts of your lifewere a drug,” writes Drake Baer at Business Insider, “it would be making bank for some facelesspharmaceutical company.”

詹姆斯·漢布林(James Hamblin)在《大西洋月刊》(The Atlantic)雜誌發表文章稱，2012年的一項研究發現，寫作的做法提高了乳腺癌患者的生活質量。勞拉·I·米勒(Laura I. Miller)在Bustle網站撰文，列出了我們在2015年應該決心記錄更多的12個理由。“如果記錄生活中的艱難時刻的做法是一種藥物，”德雷克·貝爾(Drake Baer)在商業內幕(Business Insider)網站上寫道，“一些不知名的製藥公司就可以一夜暴富了。”

But if it were a drug, it might be one with a maximum recommended dosage — and warnings forcertain patients. In another study, Dr. Sbarra found that divorced people assigned to doexpressive writing exercises — essentially, exercises wherein they reflected on their feelings —showed no greater improvement in measures of emotional well-being than those asked towrite, without emotion, about what they did during the day. And subjects who tended toruminate on their situation actually did better if they were assigned to the emotion-free writing.

但如果這是一種藥物，它可能會設有最大推薦劑量——以及針對某些病人的警告。在另一項研究中，斯巴拉發現，與那些沒有情緒的、被要求記錄一天當中的所作所爲的人相比，被指派做表達性寫作練習的——基本上是記錄對自己的感覺的反思——離婚人士並沒有獲得更大程度的改善。當那些傾向於反思自身情況的人被指派進行無情緒寫作時，他們實際上做得更好。

The prompts in the expressive writing study were more involved than those in the speaking-exercise one — instead of responding to simple questions, participants were asked to “reallydelve into your deepest emotions and thoughts” or to “work toward creating a coherent storyand narrative, with yourself as the storyteller.”

表達性寫作研究中的提示比自述研究的提示更爲深入。它要求參與者“真正探索自己最深層的感受與想法”或“自己作爲敘述者，努力創作一個連貫的故事”，而不僅限於回答簡單的問題。

“I think the expressive writing intervention at times can be too heavy-handed,” said ra. “It can be too directive without allowing people’s natural coping tendencies to do whatthey’ve done over the course of evolutionary history.” And for some people, reflecting toomuch on their feelings can make things worse. “That’s the real danger of our journalingculture,” he added — diary writing isn’t “one size fits all.”

“我覺得表達性寫作這種干預手段有時會力度過大，”斯巴拉說。“如果不允許人採用自然的應對機制，從事他們在演化過程中發展出來的慣用做法，那麼這種手段就會指令性過強。”對於一些人來說，過度反思自己的感受會讓情況變得更糟。“這是日記文化真正的危險所在，”他還表示——寫日記的做法“並不適用於所有人”。

For many, the key may turn out to be some self-reflection, but not too much: writing aboutyour feelings, “but then not necessarily mulling over it or doing any more. Just write it, talkabout it, leave it, do it again.”

對於很多人而言，祕訣可能是一定程度上的自我反思，可是不要過多：記錄自己的感受，“但不一定要思前想後或做更多的事情。就把它記錄下來，聊一聊，然後遺忘，再來一遍”。

“There’s a really delicate balance between avoiding and getting overinvolved for every stressfulevent,” Dr. Sbarra explained, “and so you touch on it, you think about it, you put it out there,you reflect, and then you sort of create some distance.”

“實際上，對於每一個承受壓力的情境，在避免過分投入和過分投入之間存在微妙的平衡，”斯巴拉解釋稱，“你提到這種情緒，你去思考它，把事實擺在那兒，反思，然後就在某種程度上拉開了一些距離。”

So if you ever get a prescription for writing, it might read: Spend a little time with your diary— and then go for a walk.

因此，如果你得到了一張有關寫作的處方，它可能是這麼寫的：花一點時間寫日記，然後出去走走。

　　如何撫慰一顆分手後受傷的心?

Break-ups are never easy. Whether you were “just dating” or married, with or without kids, it hurts when a relationship ends. To spend time grieving is perfectly natural and healthy but there comes a time when your heart yearns to be healed.

分手從來就不是一件容易的事。不論你只是約約會或是已經結了婚，也不論有沒有孩子，當一段關係結束的時候，它總是傷人的。爲了結束的感情難過這很正常，但這時也是你的心靈需要治癒的時候。

The following 5 steps can help you begin down that path of healing.

以下5個步驟幫助你開始這條癒合之路。

1. It’s Not About You—Really, It’s Not

不是你的問題，真的不是你的錯

You know that old saying “it’s not you, it’s me”? While we usually think of it as a cop-out, a way for someone to spare our feelings, the reality is that it is actually true. People act in a certain way, make certain decisions, and choose to life their life a certain way because of their own desires and needs; not because of us.

你知道那句古話“不是你的錯，是我的錯”嗎?通常我們認爲這種說法是一種逃避，也是一種舒緩我們感受的方式，而事實上這說法確實是對的。人們以特定的方式表現，做出特定的決定，選擇他們想要的方式生活，因爲他們有自己的慾望和需要，而不是因爲我們!

When someone is a jerk, or says something nasty, or leaves you, it is because of something going on inside of them. Please know that I am not excluding the influence of your own behavior that may haveprecipitated the break-up, but it comes down to the fact that your ex left because of their reactions and feelings surrounding that event and it may have been the right choice for them.

當某人變成了個混蛋，說了難聽的話，或是離開了你，那是因爲他們內心起了變化。請明白我不是要排除你自己行爲帶來的影響，這些行爲可能也觸發了分手的發生，但事實可以歸結爲你的前任離開你是因爲他們對待事情的反應和感受有了變化，而這樣做對他們來說也許是一個正確的選擇。

Once a relationship ends, you can’t go back and change things no matter how much you want to, so it’s best to stop beating yourself up about the past. Forgive yourself for your part in the break up, learn lessons from it, and try not to take it personally. Realize that you are perfect just the way you are and there is someone out there who will agree.

當一段關係結束，無論你有多想，你都回不去了，也改變不了任何事，所以關於過去，最好就是停止自責。寬容自己，從中吸取教訓，儘量不要獨自忍受痛苦。要知道以自己的方式做，你就是完美的，總有一個人會欣賞你這樣的方式。

2. This Too Shall Pass

這一切都會過去

I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but the pain will go away.

我知道現在你不這麼想，但疼痛總會消失。

Allow yourself to really feel your feelings—wallow in them if you want—and know that they are temporary. Sometimes it’s good to think back to another time in your life where you felt broken, and then realize that it did, indeed, get better. This will too. If you have faith that these feelings will pass, that you will feel better someday, that day will arrive much sooner.

讓自己真正地體會感受，如果你想，你可以沉浸其中。但要清楚它們只是暫時的。有時回想過去你心痛的那一刻，然後意識到它確實會變好，這樣的回想也是有好處的。如果你相信這些感覺也會過去，終有一天你也會變好，那麼這一天就會來得早很多。

3. Forgive & Pray

原諒和祈禱

You may be feeling some very negative emotions towards your ex, such as anger, resentment, and frustration, but harboring these feelings is only hurting one person—you. In order to save yourself, you need to forgive your ex. Now, I don’t mean you have to call them up and tell them they are forgiven (although you can if you want to), you just need to forgive them in your heart.

對你的前任，也許你的內心充滿了很多消極情緒，比如生氣、怨恨和失望，但是懷着這些情緒只會傷害到一個人，就是你。爲了拯救自己，你需要原諒你的前任。在這裏，我不是說你要打電話給他們說你原諒他們了(當然如果你想的話，你可以這麼做)，你只需要在心裏原諒他們就可以了。

I have found that praying for that person helps with being able to forgive them and move on. Pray for their happiness and continued health and mean it when you say it. You should feel your anger and resentment getting less and less if you continue this practice. Doing this has the added benefit of showing yourself what a good person you really are. Hey, you even pray for those that hurt you, so you must be a loving, generous person who deserves love.

我發現爲那個人祈禱能幫助我們原諒他們並使自己繼續前進。爲他們的幸福和健康祈禱，當你說這些的時候，要認真地說。如果你保持練習，你應該感覺到憤怒和怨恨在變得越來越少。這樣做還有其它好處，就是向別人展示你真的是一個很好的人。不是吧，你竟然祝福那些傷害你的人?你一定是個有愛心又慷慨的人，值得很多人愛慕。

4. Live Life One Day at a Time

珍惜每一天

Concentrate on today, and focus on the present moment. It’s said that worry is like a rocking chair: it keeps you busy, but doesn’t get you anywhere. It’s time to stop worrying about the future and notice where you are today. Don’t worry about your sister’s wedding in 6 months and the fact that now you don’t have a date. Don’t worry about what will happen if you see him around town with another girl—just live for today, the rest will take care of itself. Be present for all the gifts the universe is trying to give you today.

專注今天，專注當前。煩惱就像一把搖椅：它讓你忙碌，但又讓你原地踏步。是時候了，停止擔憂未來，留意一下今天你在哪裏。不要擔心6個月後你姐姐就要結婚了，而現在的你連一個約會對象都沒有。不要擔心如果你在鎮上看到他和另一個女孩在一起會發生什麼。只爲今天而活，其餘的自會如常。今天這個世界給你的全部禮物就是當下。

5. It’s All About Progress

這些全是進步

Life is hard: if it wasn’t, we would all be perfect people living in a perfect world. Give yourself kudos for any and all progress you make, since anytime you are able to move in a forward direction, that is worth celebrating. Keep track of all the progress you have made by keeping a journal of all your successes. Then, when you feel that you are going backwards, read through it and you will realize just how far you have come.

生活是艱難的，如果不是，那我們就是生活在一個完美世界裏的完美的人。要表揚自己取得的任何進步，因爲不論什麼時候你都走在前進的道路上，這是值得慶祝的。要在日誌本里記錄你所有的成功，以此來記錄你所取得的進步。然後當你覺得退步了，再讀一遍，你就會意識到自己走了有多遠。

Final Thought

最後的想法

Healing your heart is really about healing your whole self, so be sure to take this opportunity to delvedeeper into who you are and what you want. Start by appreciating the lessons you learned from the past, being present in the here and now, and using your power to create the future you want.

治癒你的心，其實就是在治癒你整個人，因而一定要抓住這次機會深刻了解你是怎樣的人，以及你想要什麼。治癒之路始於感謝那些你從過去的經歷中學到的教訓;始於專注當下;始於發揮你的力量去創造你想要的未來。