你會讚揚別人的優點

能恰當地讚美別人是一件佳事，可是該怎樣讚揚別人可不是人人都會的。接下來，小編給大家準備了你會讚揚別人的優點,歡迎大家參考與借鑑。

For example, we just went through a major household project – and I mean MAJOR – that took a lot of time and effort on my part. Which, I admit, I accomplished2 with a minimum of grace. I tried, oh how I tried, but I just couldn’t muster3 it.

打個比方，我們剛剛通過一項重大的家庭決議——的確重大——它耗費了我大量的時間和精力。我承認我是極其沒有風度地完成這決議的。我努力過，但是不論多麼努力，我終究還是有失風度。

As I’ve done before, I begged the Big Man to manipulate me with praise! I urged him to sucker me into doing this project cheerfully by heaping gold stars on me! But he wouldn’t.

我曾經這麼幹過，我祈求大男人用表揚來利用我!我鼓勵他用讚揚來忽悠我，讓我興致高昂地從事這項工作!但是他不肯這麼做。

I know the way to happiness is to be FREE of the craving4 for praise, not to need someone to pat me on the back. I know that. I should be the source of my own sense of satisfaction, of happiness; I should know that I’ve done a job well and not depend on someone else’s opinion.

我知道快樂之道在於不要太渴求表揚，不需要別人拍拍你的肩。我知道這點。我自己應該成爲自身滿足感、快樂感的源頭;我應該明白自己已經做得很好了，而不需依賴別人的看法。

I’m sure that one reason that I went to law school was because it was clear to me what I would need to do to win praise. I wrote my papers, I got my note published, I became editor-in-chief of the YAle Law Journal, I clerked for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. These were big gold stars, and they were precious to me.

我確信我去學法律的理由之一是我得爲贏得表揚做點什麼，這一點對我來說再明確不過了。我寫論文，出版筆記，我成爲《耶魯法律期刊》的首席編輯，我爲奧康納法官辦事。這些都是大大的金色星星，它們對我來說很珍貴。

So I give myself an enormous gold star for putting those law-related gold stars aside to start over again as a writer. I love my work, and that’s hugely satisfying. But I still crave5 praise – and because the closest and easiest source would be the Big Man, I get frustrated6 when he won’t give it to me，which he doesn’t. Yes, I know that’s not his job, and that I shouldn’t depend on him for it. Like I said, I’m working on not needing it.

所以當我將和法律有關的金色星星放在一旁，開始作家生涯時我給自己頒了一個巨大的金色星星。我熱愛自己的工作，它帶給我極大的滿足感。但我還是渴求得到表揚——因爲最親密、最簡單的來源是大男人，所以他不誇獎我時我感到很沮喪。他的確沒有。是的，我知道這不是必須做的，也知道我不應該依靠他來得到表揚。正如我說過的，我正爲此而努力。

Recently, as I fumed7 about all the ways in which the Big Man wasn’t feeding my praise addiction8, these tips occurred to me. They apply to all kinds of relationships -- friendship, work, romance, family. It’s nice to be able to give praise effectively; it means a lot to people to receive sincere praise -- even people more mature than I.

最近，當我對於大男人沒能滿足我“表揚癮”怒氣衝衝之時，想出了下面的建議。它們適用於所有的關係——朋友、同事、戀人、家人。能恰當地讚美別人是一件佳事;即便對於比我成熟的人來說，收到真誠的讚美也意義重大。

1. Be specific. 要具體。 You read this in a lot of parenting advice: praise means more when it’s specific than when it’s general. “What a beautiful painting!” is less gratifying than “Look at all the colors you’ve used! And I see you used all your fingers with the finger paints. You’ve really made your picture look like a spring garden!” This is true, for adults, too. “Great job,” is less satisfying than an enumeration9 of what, exactly, was done well.

在許多家長建議中都能讀到這一點：具體的表揚比泛泛的讚美更好。說“多漂亮的一幅畫”遠沒有“看，你用到的顏色!在手指畫中你用到了所有的手指。你這幅畫看上去就像一座春天的花園”這句話令人滿足。對於成年人來說也一樣。“幹得好”就比列舉出到底哪件事做得好效果差得多。

2. Acknowledge the actor. 表揚時要特別答謝行動者。The Big Man has a habit of saying something complimentary10 without acknowledging that I had anything to do with whatever result he’s talking about. For example, with this household project, he looked around once and remarked, “This really turned out well.” As if some deus ex machina had wrought11 these changes overnight. Aaargh.

大男人有一個習慣：說一些讚美的話而不承認這些和我有什麼關係。比如這次家庭計劃，他有一次四周看了看，然後說：“這真算圓滿成功”。就好像某神靈下凡，一夜之間帶來了這些變化。唉。

3. The effusiveness1 and time spent in giving praise should be commensurate with the difficulty and time-intensiveness of the task. If a task was quick and easy, a hasty “Looks great!” will do; if a task was protracted2 and difficult, the praise should be more lengthy3 and descriptive. Also, you might bring up the praise more than once.

表揚用的時間和言語應該和該任務的困難程度和時間強度一致。 如果一項任務即快又容易，那麼匆忙一聲“看起來不錯!”就行了;如果一項任務冗長而困難，那麼表揚的話應該更長、更具體。同樣，你可能要多次表揚。

4. Remember the negativity bias4. The “negativity bias” is a well-recognized psychological phenomenon: people react to the bad more strongly and persistently5 than to the comparable good. For example, within marriage, it takes at least five good acts to repair the damage of one critical or destructive act. So if you want to praise someone, remember that one critical comment will wipe out several positive comments, and will be far more memorable6. To stay silent, and then remark something like, “It’s too bad that that door couldn’t be fixed,” will be perceived as highly critical。

記住“消極偏見”。“消極偏見”是一種爲人熟知的心理現象：人們對壞話的反應比對好話更強烈、更持久。例如在婚姻中，至少要五次善舉才能修復一次批評或破壞性的行爲給人帶來的創傷。所以，如果你想表揚某人，記着一句批評的話會抵消幾句肯定的評價，而且會更讓人記憶深刻。沉默許久然後說一句：“真糟糕，門修不好了”將是一句高度批評的話。

5. Praise the everyday as well as the exceptional. When people do something unusual, it’s easy to remember to give praise. But what about the things they do well every day without any recognition? It never hurts to point out how much you appreciate the small services and tasks that someone unfailingly performs. Something like, “You know what? In three years, I don’t think you’ve ever been even an hour late with the weekly report.” After all, we never forget to make a comment when someone screws up.

表揚特別的貢獻，也要褒獎點滴的善舉。當別人做了某件不同尋常的事情，我們都記得去表揚別人。但是對於那些人們每天都做得很好卻沒有獲得認可的事情呢?去表達別人細心和不倦幫助的欣賞吧，再怎麼多也不過分。比如：“你知道嗎?三年來，你的週報告從來不會哪怕晚交一小時”。畢竟，我們卻從不忘在別人出錯時批評上一句。

If anyone has any tips for how to free yourself from the craving7 for praise, send them my way! I really need them. The need for praise is such an ingrained part of my personality that I doubt I’d be able to change completely, but I can do better.

如果誰有任何能讓人擺脫渴求表揚習慣的建議，請發給我!我很需要它們。對錶揚的需要是我個性中根深蒂固的一部分。我懷疑我能否徹底改掉這毛病，不過我想我能做得更好。