結婚前一定要問物件這些問題

It goes way beyond the "do you want to have kids?" conversation.

這些問題不僅僅是“你想不想要孩子”之類的對話。

1) What makes you feel loved?

1）是什麼讓你感到被愛？

It's a common mistake couples make: assuming that the way you show love to your partner is the same way he does. While everyone tends to fall into a category known as the "five love languages" — physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts — it's not very common for two people in a relationship to have the same one as their top language.

情侶們經常犯這樣的錯誤：認為你向另一半展示愛的方式和他一樣。雖然每個人往往都有“五種愛情語言”——身體接觸、優質時間、肯定的言語、服務的行為和接收禮物——但處於戀愛關係中的戀人往往對這五種類別的優先順序有不一樣的偏好。

That's why dateologist Tracey Steinberg, author of Flirt for Fun & Meet the One, says it's important to clear the air. "Often what makes one person feel loved is very different from someone else. Understanding what works for both of you will help you keep your connection strong and avoid bigger problems later on," she says.

約會專家特雷西·斯坦伯格是《調情和遇到唯一》（Flirt for Fun & Meet the One）一書的作者，因此她說道兩人彼此坦誠是很重要的。“通常一個人感到被愛的時候另一個往往感受不到。找到適合你們倆的方式將有助於戀人的情感關係穩固，同時還會免去以後更大的麻煩，”她說道。

2) How much debt do you have?

2）你負債多少？

It's a topic you think would be covered — credit card debt, student loans, etc. are all pretty important numbers to know seeing as, ya know, you take on the debt your partner has when you get hitched. But "it's one of the elephants in the room that isn't discussed, and I've seen it blindside couples all the time," says Fields. She describes it as often being treated like a don't ask, don't tell situation, but just like that policy was repealed, so should this one. "There's a lot of shame associated with money, but every fear that comes up or any conflict is an opportunity to create more intimacy and a stronger bond," adds Fields. "It's important to be able to say, 'Here's my truth, this is how much money I owe, let's make a plan together for tackling this.'"

你認為這是一個應該涵蓋信用卡債務、學生貸款等問題的話題，這些都是十分重要的數字問題，因為當你和物件結婚時，這些就是你們要一起償還的債務了。但是“這是盲人摸象的問題，每個人摸到的都是不同的部位，很多夫妻的弱點就是債務問題，”菲爾茲說道。她描述道：人們通常認為這是一個不要問、不要說清楚處於什麼情形的問題，就像政策被廢除一樣，這一條也該廢除。“與金錢相關的問題會引起很多不好意思回答的事情，但每一次恐懼或任何的衝突實則都是機會，一個更加親密以及情感更加牢固的機會，”菲爾茲補充道。“能夠這樣說是很重要的，‘說實話，我有這麼多外債，我們一起制定計劃來解決這個問題吧。’”

Whatever you do, don't lie about the amount of debt you're in, even if it comes from a shameful place (ie: a gambling or shopping addiction). Fields says she's worked with people who are secretly $20-30,000 in debt; that's not a situation you want to put yourself in despite trying to shield your partner from less-than-ideal conditions.

不管你做什麼，千萬別對自己欠下的債務金額撒謊，即使欠債的理由很丟臉（即：賭博或購物上癮而欠下的債務）。菲爾茲說有些顧客會偷偷欠債20——30,000美元；就算你不想讓另一半捲入這一不甚理想的情境，但你也不會想要私下欠債這麼多吧。