英语笑话：司法界的那些事

　　The world's smartest dog 世界上最聪明的狗

在一场狗秀的活动中，人们要选出一只世界上最聪明的狗。有三只狗进入了决赛，它们的主人分别是：医生，建筑师和律师。

最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头，看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道：“听诊器，上!”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。

裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品，但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。

建筑师说道：“滑尺，上!”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。

裁判们左右为难，到底该选哪一只呢?

律师说道：“钻(法律)空子，上!”这只狗吃掉了骨头，对那座桥征收了百分之百的税，并向其他两只狗进行勒索。

There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the final. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.

For the final each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.

The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try.

The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" The dog built a suspension bridge.

The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?

The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.

　　Coffee break 咖啡时间

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside them is numbered."

"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second. "When you open them up, all their organs are arranged alphabetically."

The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. Their organs are color-coded."

"You're all wrong," said, the fourth. "Lawyers are easiest. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asset are interchangeable."

四个医生边喝咖啡休息边讨论他们的工作。

第一个说，“我认为给会计手术最容易,因为他们的器官都有编号。”

“我觉得图书管理员最容易。”第二个说, “他们的器官都按字母顺序排列。”

第三个医生说，“我喜欢给电工手术，他们的器官都有带颜色的编码。”

“你们都错了”，第四个说，“律师是最容易的，他们没心、没肠、没骨头，而且他们的脑子用钱就能换掉。”

　　American Dream 美国梦

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked. "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partners and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no." one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

一位美国律师刚结束他在意大利一所法律学校的客座演讲，就有一位意大利律师走近他问：“听说在你们国家里，一个人跌倒在人行道上，他就会起诉这块地的所有者赔偿很多钱，这是真的吗?”

得知这是真的后，意大利律师转向他的同行开始用意大利语快速谈论起来。当他们停下来后，美国律师问他们是否想去美国做法律工作。

“不，不，”有一个人回答说，“我们要去美国跌倒在人行道上。”