我是個努力奮鬥的人 未婚妻不同意我買房

I am a striver and my fiancée is a creative free spirit. In the five years we have lived together, I have paid off my debts and built a stock portfolio big enough for a deposit on a house in London. She has a credit-card bill and hefty student loan. To be fair, she has quit jobs and moved country twice so I can pursue my career. I want to buy a house in an unfashionable but upcoming area while she prefers to rent somewhere trendier. My primary aim is matrimonial harmony: what should I do?
我是一個努力奮鬥的人，我的未婚妻則是一個富有創造力、無拘無束的人。在我們一起生活的五年當中，我償清了自己的債務，並積累起了一個股票投資組合，其規模足以支付在倫敦購買一棟房子的定金。未婚妻則揹負着信用卡賬單以及高昂的學生貸款債務。平心而論，她爲了我能追尋自己的事業，曾經兩次辭職並跨國遷移。我希望在一個並不時髦但前景看好的地段買一棟房子，而她想要在更時尚的地方租房居住。我的首要目標是和諧的婚姻關係：我應當怎麼做？

Analyst, male, 32
分析師，男性，32歲

Lucy’s answer
露西的建議

If you have found a woman who will traipse around the world behind you while you further your career, and if, after all that traipsing, she is still a creative free spirit rather than a put-upon, resentful misanthrope, you have done well. Your investment in love has been even wiser than your investment in equities (which has also been pretty good, judging by the fact that you already have enough for a house deposit).
如果你找到了一個女人，她願意跟在你的身後滿世界跑，陪伴你發展自己的事業，而且如果在闖蕩了一圈以後，她仍然是一個富有創造力的無拘無束的人，而不是一個滿腹委屈、充滿怨恨的厭世者，那麼你確實做得不錯。你在感情方面的投資比你在股票上的投資更加明智（當然你的股票投資也非常出色，因爲你的投資組合規模已經足夠支付購房定金了）。

You say your primary aim is matrimonial harmony. That is good. Keep reminding yourself of it. Then tell her not that you have capitulated but that you’ve changed your mind about the rent-versus-buy question. Tell her that she was right and you were wrong.
你說你的首要目標是婚姻和諧。這一點非常好。繼續提醒自己牢記這一點。然後告訴你的未婚妻，你並不是舉手投降，而是改變了在買房還是租房這一問題上的看法。告訴她說，她是對的，而你錯了。

It is sheer madness to start your married life living somewhere horrible when you can afford to live somewhere nice. Maybe house prices will continue going up. Or maybe they won’t. Either way, the primary purpose of property isn’t as an investment. It is as a place to live. And if that place makes the person who is going to spend even more time there than you unhappy, it is a very bad idea indeed.
在你能夠承擔得起居住在更好地段的情況下，在一個糟糕的地方開始你的婚姻生活並不明智。或許房價會繼續上漲，或許不會。但不管怎樣，購買房產的主要目的不是作爲一項投資，而是把它作爲一個生活居住的地方。如果那個地方讓你的未婚妻不開心，而且她待在房子裏的時間比你更多，那麼這無疑是一個非常糟糕的主意。

So rent somewhere fashionable, and do it with a light heart. It sounds as if during the day you do something quite dull, which is all the more reason to enjoy your evenings and weekends pretending to be someone cool as you flit around restaurants in Shoreditch (or wherever). As you do that, I suggest you look around you at the other people who live there. You’ll notice that there is hardly anyone over 40. That is because everyone older lives somewhere unfashionable and has a gigantic mortgage and children and is fretting about how to get them into a halfway decent school. That day will probably come for you – maybe even quite soon. But why pre-empt it, when it is so much more fun – and so much better for marital harmony – not to?
因此，找一個時尚的地段租套房子，並用一種輕鬆的心態來面對這件事。聽起來似乎你白天所做的工作非常枯燥單調，這讓你更有理由享受晚間以及週末的時光，比如假扮時尚人士在肖爾迪奇區(Shoreditch)這類餐館林立的地區穿梭來去。在你這麼做的時候，我建議你放眼四周看看在那裏生活的其他人。你會看到很少有人超過40歲。這是因爲年紀大一點的人都住在不時髦的地方，揹負着沉重的抵押貸款債務和養育子女的壓力，正在爲了如何將子女送入一所大體說得過去的學校而愁眉不展。有一天或許你也會迎來這樣的日子——甚至可能要不了多久。但爲什麼要提前過這樣的生活，而不這麼做將讓你生活得更快樂，對於打造和諧的婚姻關係也更有好處？

It is possible that when you do buy somewhere you’ll have to put up with an even less fashionable area. But by then you’ll be earning more and your investments should have grown. So I think you and your new wife will do just fine.
也許，到了你真正買房的時候，你必須忍受一個更不時髦的地段。但那時你很可能會賺更多的錢，你的投資組合也會升值。因此我認爲你和你的新婚妻子不會遇到什麼問題。

Your advice
讀者的建議

Buy and let
買房並出租

Buy the house, get tenants in and rent somewhere trendy to live yourselves. Wait a year if the mortgage conditions require. Maybe by then your fiancée will like the area and/or you’ve got a family on the way.
買下你看中的房子，招攬租客，另外租下某個時髦的地方自己住。如果抵押貸款條件要求的話你可能需要等待一年時間才能另行租房。或許到了那時你的未婚妻已經喜歡上了你們所住的地區，或者你們也即將迎來新生兒的降生。

Owner/renter, male
房東/房客，男性

Deserves better
她值得更好的對待

If you still think about such things in terms of my stock portfolio and her student loan and credit card bills, even after her relenting for your career ambitions, matrimonial harmony will not be forthcoming. She deserves better.
在她爲你的職業發展做出遷就之後，如果你仍從你的股票投資組合、她的學生貸款和信用卡賬單這樣的角度來看待問題，那麼你們可能很難實現和諧的婚姻關係。你應該對她好一點。

Anon, male
匿名，男性

Marry a poodle
跟一條貴賓犬結婚

Dump the fiancée and marry a poodle and your matrimonial harmony will be guaranteed.
跟未婚妻分手，和一條貴賓犬結婚，你所謂的和諧婚姻關係就一定能夠實現了。

CEO, business association, New York
CEO，商業協會，紐約

Pay off her debt
爲她清償債務

So pay off her debts since you are so rich, do a prenuptial, get married, and work alongside her free spirit. Likely she is the one keeping you relevant when it comes to socialising, investing in art and keeping you out of your mole hole.
既然你有錢，那就替她把債務還了，籤個婚前協議，然後結婚，在她的自由精神陪伴下工作生活。很可能她正是那個在社交場合或者藝術品投資方面使你保持參與其中的人，或許也正是她讓你沒有一直待在自己的鼴鼠洞裏。

Anon
匿名

Her investment
她的犧牲

I moved countries numerous times and saw the damage it inflicted on relationships. In five years you have asked this woman to relocate twice. In each of those you stepped into a ready job, yet you seem to think that all of this was done by you alone, and that the significant investment on her part in changing environments, severing her networks and forsaking the opportunity for career advancement is her own problem only? If I was that woman I’d throw your sorry behind out on the street.
我曾數次變換工作生活的國家，親自感受到了這種變化對親密關係造成的巨大破壞。在五年之中，你讓這位女子爲你兩次遷移。每次遷移的時候都有一份現成的工作在等着你，但你似乎認爲所有這些都是靠你自己，而她在變換環境的過程中所做出的重大犧牲，包括與她自己的人脈網絡分隔開以及放棄職業發展的機會，都僅僅是她自己的問題？如果我是那位女子，我會一腳把你踢到大街上。

Exec, male, 55
管理者，男性，55歲

Draw forecasts
設想遠景

Draw out each scenario on a separate piece of paper. Under each, forecast future income and expenses at levels you both agree. See if she accepts where that leaves you in 5, 10, 15 years. Agree to track everything against your budget each month. My strong hunch is that she has not gone through this type of exercise, and is instead too focused on the short term. While this may cause some tension in the short term, if you let this slide and defer any confrontation it will only get worse.
在兩張紙上分別寫下租房和買房這兩種不同的情景。在每個情景下方，寫上你們兩人都認同的未來預期收入和支出水平。看看她是否能夠接受不同情景之下未來5年、10年以及15年後你們兩人所處的狀態。約定每月跟蹤記錄違反預算的事項。我有一種強烈的直覺，她從未做過這類練習，而是過於關注短期情況。雖然這種做法在短時間內或許會導致某種緊張氣氛，但如果你什麼都不做，逃避正面衝突，情況只會變得更糟。

Anon
匿名