致真愛追尋者的一封公開信大綱

Dear True Love Seeker,

親愛的真愛尋求者，

We must begin with your personal definition of TRUE LOVE. Without that, your search is pointless as the roundabout with no feasible exit for your journey. Don’t race to the dictionary, as the definition lies within your own life philosophy and experience.

我們必須從你們個人對真愛的定義開始。沒了它，你的尋求便毫無意義，如同環形繞道的旅途沒有出口可走。不要去查字典，因爲這定義就在你的人生哲學和經歷之中。

Our adult happiness lies rooted in the soil of our childhood. Instinctively, we bonded to our mothers for survival and eventually understood the protective potential of our fathers. All can agree that our basis of love stems from these early interactions. Rather than bandy about the countless theories concerning “mommy” and “daddy” issues, let’s begin with the idea that you have come to terms with your past and are eager to move forward into your own loving relationship.

我們作爲成人的幸福，植根於孩提時的土壤。爲求生存，我們本能地和媽媽親近，而後終於懂得了父親對我們的保護。大家都知道，我們的愛，來源於這些早期的互動。與其散播關於“媽咪”和“爸比”問題的無數理論，不如讓我們以這樣的想法開始：你已經能夠和自己的過去共處，並且渴望前進步入你自己愛的關係。

The best predictor of one’s future behavior is to look at past behavior. By looking at your actions, can you say that you’ve fallen in love with the most important person…yourself? Without arrogance and hubris, do you LOVE the person you have become?

預測一個人未來行爲的最好方法，就是去看其過去的行爲。回顧你的行動，你可以說自己已經愛上了最重要的人…你自己麼？拋去自大狂妄，你愛現在的自己麼？

1. Love yourself

1.愛自己

It is impossible to give deep love to another if you don’t hold it within yourself. Bitterness can’t be hidden for long; its flavor will spoil the love you’ve found and set you back onto the repeat cycle of dead end relationships.

如果你的內心無愛，你是不可能深愛其他人的。苦澀是不能長久埋藏的；它的味道會破壞你已經尋得的愛，將你送回關係死角的循環圈。

By loving the person you are, you accept your humanity which is made up of inadequacies and accomplishments. The pressure is off then! The person you seek will not have the burden of “fixing” you because you’ve accepted yourself wholly. Having that comfort allows you to be open and accepting of others, and the exchange of emotions can begin.

愛自己，意味着接受你的人性是欠缺和成就並存的。這樣壓力就沒了！你尋找的人不會爲了要“拯救”你而心存負擔，因爲你已經全盤接受了自己。有了那種安慰，你就能放開和接受他人，然後情感交流就可以開始了。

2. Set aside your ego

2.將自我放在一邊

Mutation of oneself to better fit into a relationship is a necessary sacrifice. It certainly does not mean that you have to give up your personal identity, but if the love you seek will be bound in truth, it is a fact that “to receive much, one must give much.”

要更好地融入一段感情，改變自己是必須做的犧牲。這當然不是說你必須放棄自己的人格，但如果你要尋找的愛真有限制，事實就是“想要得到多些，你必須給予多些。”

Setting aside your ego to explore what is best for the couple versus what is best for the individual will be a daily choice. There is a sweet spot that each couple must find which will give them independence but also a level of healthy co-dependence.

把你的自我放在一邊，去探索什麼對兩人最好，這點對陣什麼對個人最好的探索，將會成爲每天的選擇。每對愛人都必須找到那個最佳地帶，會給他們各自獨立，以及一定程度的健康共存。

3. Be clear with expectations

3.明確期待

You love yourself, you feel you love another, and the couple you have become has great potential. Did both of you come into the relationship with clear expectations?

你愛自己，你感覺你愛另一個人，且你們兩人的關係有很大潛力。你們兩人是否對這段關係都有明確的期待呢？

If the love is TRUE in the sense that you’re seeking, then the discussions of what you hope your duo will evolve into will not be an issue. Love is vulnerability and if two people cannot be open and supportive of each other’s concerns or expectations, then are you in the kind of love which you seek?

如果這真是你在尋找的真愛，那麼討論你們所希望的兩人未來的發展，不會是什麼問題。愛是脆弱的，如果兩人不能開誠佈公且支持對方的顧慮和期待，那麼你是在自己尋找的愛情中麼？

4. Don’t make promises

4.不要許諾

Although that sounds harsh and against what you may believe encompasses true love, the pressure of a promise can cause an ultimate break. Instead, try expressing yourself with INTENTION. Intention adds the truth to love; humans are weakest when we’ve made ourselves vulnerable. We feed our inner fear when we add the pressure of “I promise to love you forever.”

儘管這聽起來殘酷，也和你或許期望會隨真愛而來的東西背道而馳，但諾言的壓力卻能導致最後分手。與其如此，不如試着用意向去表達你自己。意向給愛加了真實感；當我們讓自己容易被攻擊時，人就成了最脆弱的。當我們給了自己“我保證會永遠愛你”的壓力時，就是在滋養內心的恐懼。

Intellectually, we see that love can’t be perfect because we are imperfect people. Thus, the rantings of heartbroken lovers are as old as mankind. Instead of the fear that “promises are meant to be broken,” embrace the concept that you will “pay attention to the intention.”

理智上，我們知道愛不會完美，因爲我們不是完人。因而，心碎愛人的咆哮是和人類一樣古老的。與其恐懼“諾言就是用來打破的”，不如去接受你會“將自己的意向放在心上”這一理念。

5. Check the chemistry

5.確認你們的化學反應

TRUE LOVE is based on chemical reactions. Rather than feel deflated by this fact, celebrate it. The hormonal functions that set off “chemistry” between two people are miraculous.

真愛是基於化學反應的。與其爲這事實泄氣，不如去慶祝這點。觸動兩人之間的化學反應的荷爾蒙作用如奇蹟一般。

Preparing yourself mentally and emotionally by taking care of yourself will help you sort through the “love fog” after it lifts and you can then enjoy the benefits of a mutually fulfilling relationship. Those who have celebrated countless happy anniversaries give common advice–true love begins after the initial chemistry has ended. Take the time to learn how your particular chemistry is best kept alive.

照顧好自己，以在心理和情感上做好準備。這會在“愛的迷霧”散開後幫你整理好自己，然後你就能享受一段相互成就的情感帶來的益處。那些慶祝過無數次幸福紀念日的人們給出了共同的建議——最初的化學反應結束後，真愛就開始了。花些時間去學習怎樣將屬於你的化學反應保存得最好。