聖誕節經典英語笑話

Good Lights 好燈

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."

一位顧客進我們的商店買聖誕燈。我給她看了我們店裏最好的牌子，但還需確認一下燈泡是否正常。她讓我把燈泡從盒子裏拿出來，然後通上電。我照做了。每一個燈泡都是正常的。她說:“非常好。”我小心翼翼地把這串聖誕燈放回盒子裏。可當我把這一盒燈泡交給她時，她吃驚地看着我，突然說：“我不要這一盒，它打開過的。”

　勒索聖誕樹 An Axe to Grind

A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.

一個孩子求他爸爸，說能不能今年爲家裏準備一棵聖誕樹

Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't want to pay for it."

小男孩每年求他爸爸得到的都是同樣的回答“我可不想爲一棵樹付錢。”

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining, he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.

但是小男孩不放棄的一直祈求，終於有一天，他爸被他的哀求折磨得受不了，他拿起一把斧子，直接衝出了門。

Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

30分鐘後，他爸爸帶着一棵超大的聖誕樹回到了加。他兒子問：“你怎麼會砍得那麼快?”

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.

他爸爸回答到：“我不是砍的”

"I got it at a tree lot."

“我是從一個聖誕樹銷售中心拿的”

"Then why did you bring an axe?"

“那你爲什麼還要帶把斧子去呢?”

"Because I didn't want to pay."

“因爲我不想付錢”

Limited Knowledge 聖誕老人知識有限

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don’t worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"

平安夜那天，在我們分發餅乾時，我一不小心掉了一塊到地上。“沒關係。”我一邊說，一邊撿起來，並在放回盤子前撣掉了上面的灰。“你不能那麼做。”我四歲大的孩子爭論道。“別擔心，聖誕老人不會知道的。”他朝我瞟了一眼。“這就是說他知道我有沒有做壞事，而他不知道餅乾掉在地上過?”

Christmas Eve Service 平安夜禮拜

Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"

就在我開始平安夜禱告時，教堂停電了。教堂裏的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然後我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記後，我說：“剛纔我講到哪兒了?”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了!”