時尚雙語:最有效的教育工具：家族老故事

Children Find Meaning In Old Family Tales

When C. Stephen Guyer's three children were growing up, he told them stories about how his grandfather, a banker, lost all in the 1930s, but didn't lose sight of what he valued most. In one of the darkest times, Mr. Guyer says, when his grandfather was nearly broke, he loaded his family into the car and took them to see family members in Canada. The message: 'There are more important things in life than money,' says Mr. Guyer, of Littleton, Colo.

The tale took on new relevance recently, when Mr. Guyer downsized to a small house from a more luxurious one. He was worried that his children, a daughter, 15, and twins, 22, would be upset. To his surprise, they weren't. Instead, their reaction echoed their great-grandfather's. 'What they care about,' Mr. Guyer says his children told him, 'is how warm are the people in the house, how much of their heart is accessible.'

As parents cut budgets, many are finding family stories have surprising power to help children through hard times. Storytelling experts say the phenomenon reflects a growing national interest in telling tales, evidenced by a rise in storytelling events and festivals. New research bears out the value of family stories, linking teens' knowledge of them to better behavior and mental health.

An Emory University study of 65 families with children ages 14 to 16 found kids' ability to retell parents' stories was linked to a lower rate of depression and anxiety and less acting-out of frustration or anger, says Robyn Fivush, a psychology professor. Knowing family stories 'helps children put their own experience in perspective,' Dr. Fivush says.

The trick is telling the stories in a way children can hear. We're not talking here about the kind of story that begins, 'When I was a kid, I walked to school every day uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow.' Instead, choose a story suited to your child's needs, and make eye contact to create 'a personal experience,' says Sherry Norfolk, chairman of the

National Storytelling Network, a Jonesborough, Tenn., nonprofit. 'You don't have to tell children what they should take from the story,' she says. 'They can intuitively understand what the moral is.'

When Carla Freeman's daughter became anxious a few years ago about having to change schools, the Atlanta mother related her own childhood stories of switching to another school in her community. Her old friends dropped her and, at her new school, 'I was kind of an oddball' at first, she told her daughter. But Ms. Freeman bounced back and made new friends. She credits the stories with helping her daughter, now 12, develop resiliency and the ability to 'hold herself together' against challenges.

A touch of humor helps. At Scott Prengle's Dallas home, his son Bobby, 17, has heard tales about his grandfather growing up in times so hard that his hungry schoolmates would devour apple cores left over from his lunch. As Bobby tapped a nearly empty salad-dressing bottle over his salad at dinner one evening, Scott laughed and invited him to do as his grandfather did: Put water in the bottle and shake it up, to use every last drop. Scott says his father's frugal habits 'drove us crazy, but the idea was that nothing went to waste.'

While Bobby declined to water down his dressing, he says of his grandfather that 'I follow in his footsteps' in other ways, saving paper clips and rubber bands. And when Scott recently trimmed the family budget, he thought he saw an echo of his late father in Bobby, in the way he calmly accepted the loss of his oft-used gym membership.

Even when you think your children aren't listening to your stories, Dr. Fivush says, they probably are. Thomas Pontes thought his children, 12, 14 and 16, shrugged off tales of his grandfather, an immigrant farmhand who worked his way up from living in a barn to owning a home. To Mr. Pontes, of Providence, R.I., the story shows 'the kind of optimism you need to pick yourself up from a field somewhere tending cattle' to cross the Atlantic, fueled solely by hope.

But when I asked his daughter Katie, 16, about the stories, she not only remembered them, but said they've 'helped me become more appreciative of my life and how easy things are for me.' Even if kids don't seem to appreciate family stories, she says, in time they'll 'realize just how important they are.'

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在三個子女成長過程中，來自科羅拉多的史蒂夫•蓋勒(C. Stephen Guyer)喜歡把自己祖父的故事講給他們聽。作爲一位銀行家，儘管在30年代的經濟危機中失去全部家產，蓋勒的祖父卻沒有忘記人生最重要的東西。蓋勒告訴孩子，在最黑暗的日子，瀕臨破產的曾祖父仍然用一輛車載着全家人奔赴加拿大看望親人。蓋勒說，這個故事的寓意是，“生活中還有很多比錢更重要的東西。”

Matt Collins這個故事最近有了姊妹篇。蓋勒要比較從奢侈的大房子搬到小房子裏去了。他曾擔心三個孩子會感到沮喪。但他驚奇地發現，15歲的女兒和一對22歲的雙胞胎不但不沮喪，反而表現得像當年的曾祖父一樣。蓋勒說，孩子們告訴他：他們真正關心的是家人在新家裏是否感到溫暖，是否能敞開心扉。

當家家戶戶忙着縮減開支的時候，很多父母發現，家族故事具有神奇的力量，能夠幫助孩子度過艱難的日子。講故事專家表示，父母的這種認識說明美國人對於講故事的興趣正在增加，與此同時，有關講故事的聚會和慶典也越來越多。最新研究也揭示出家族故事的價值，將青少年在這方面的瞭解與改善行爲和心理健康聯繫起來。

心理學教授羅賓•菲伍什(Robyn Fivush)透露，艾默裏大學(Emory University)曾對65個擁有14到16歲子女的家庭進行研究，發現孩子複述家族故事的能力越強，就越不容易出現抑鬱和焦慮情緒，出於挫折或憤怒而產生的行爲也越少。菲伍氏說：“瞭解家族故事使孩子們更爲全面地看待自己的經歷。”

講故事的技巧在於，要以孩子樂於接受的方式進行。以這種話開頭的故事就不要講了──“在我小的時候，每天都是走路上下學，來回都要爬山，下雪天也光着腳。”按照田納西州瓊斯伯勒地區非營利機構“全國講故事網” (National Storytelling Network)主席沙利•諾夫爾克(Sherry Norfolk)的說法，故事應該針對孩子的需求，講述的時候要有目光接觸，創造“身臨其境”的感覺。“你不需要點出故事裏面的道理，”諾夫爾克說，“孩子們憑直覺就能懂得故事的寓意。”

幾年以前，面對被迫轉校，亞特蘭大卡拉•弗里曼(Carla Freeman)的女兒顯得很焦慮。弗里曼就把自己小時候在社區內轉校的故事講給孩子聽：剛轉校的時候，老朋友失去聯繫，在新學校裏也顯得很不合羣，但自己很快就振作起精神，結識了新朋友。弗里曼認爲這個故事對女兒的成長起到了幫助，如今12歲的女兒不僅能承受打擊，也樂於迎接各種挑戰。

幽默感可能使故事更受歡迎。達拉斯的斯科特•普雷格(Scott Prengle)曾在家裏給17歲的兒子鮑比(Bobby)講述祖父的故事。在祖父成長的年代，人們非常貧困，吃不飽飯的同學會把祖父午餐吃剩的蘋果核狼吞虎嚥地吃下去。一天吃晚餐時，鮑比拿着幾乎空了的沙拉醬瓶子往盤子裏到沙拉醬，斯科特笑着建議兒子效仿祖父的做法：往沙拉瓶子里加些水，確保不浪費每一滴沙拉醬。斯科特說，儘管祖父節儉的生活習慣把大家逼得要發瘋，但是背後的理念很簡單──不要浪費任何東西。

鮑比拒絕減少在服裝方面的支出，但是他說自己正以其它方式效仿祖父──節省回形針和橡皮筋。最近，當斯科特削減家庭開支時，他發現祖父的故事在鮑比身上產生了效果，鮑比平靜地放棄了自己經常使用的健身會員卡。

菲伍什說，有時你以爲孩子們並沒在認真聽你講故事，其實他們在聽。羅德島普羅維登斯的托馬斯•彭特(Thomas Pontes)以爲自己16歲、14歲和12歲的孩子對於祖父的故事並不感興趣。他們的祖父是一位移民美國的農場工人，他憑藉自己的雙手，從只能住牲口棚到擁有自己的家庭。彭特認爲，這個故事蘊含着樂觀主義精神，只要擁有樂觀的希望，放牛羊的農工也可以通過奮鬥，最終在大西洋彼岸的美國站穩腳跟。

但是當我和彭特16歲的女兒凱蒂(Katie)聊起祖父的故事，她告訴我，她不僅記得這些故事，而且因爲這些故事變得更加珍惜生活，更加體會到生活的幸福。菲伍什說，即使孩子們看上去並不欣賞家族故事，慢慢的，孩子們也會意識到這些故事的重要性。