大叔控請注意 如何展現獨具魅力的個人風度大綱

There is one in every office--the person who gets the attention of senior managers and interns alike at the morning meeting, who sends out witty tweets in the afternoon and who glides effortlessly through the after-work cocktail party, never at a loss for words.

每個辦公室都有這樣的人――在晨會上能獲得高級管理人員和實習生的關注，下午在推特上發佈風趣詼諧的消息，在下班後的雞尾酒會上也談笑自若，從來沒有無話可說的時候。

What is this person's secret? It boils down to presence, a magical mix of confidence, charm and communication skills that exerts an outsize impact on one's social stature and ability to climb the ranks, experts say.

這種人的祕密是什麼？專家們說，歸根到底就是風度――自信、魅力和溝通技巧的神奇組合，它對一個人的社會地位和晉升能力有極大影響。

With blurring work-home boundaries, the rise of social media and our 24/7 lifestyle, it's harder than ever to find and maintain personal presence on the job, on weekends and online. The number of people you reach has been 'magnified far more than the one-on-one conversations you are used to having,' says Muriel Maignan Wilkins, managing partner and co-founder at Isis Associates, an executive coaching and leadership-development consulting firm in McLean, Va. 'With that power comes much bigger consequences.'

由於工作與家庭的界限日趨模糊、社交媒體的興起以及我們的全天候生活方式，在職場、週末和網絡上展現並保持個人風度比以往任何時候都困難。弗吉尼亞州麥克萊恩市高管輔導和領導力開發諮詢公司Isis Association的執行合夥人和聯合創始人威爾金斯(Muriel Maignan Wilkins)稱，與以前人們習慣的那種一對一的對話相比，一個人現在所能影響的人數已經大大增加。他表示，而這種影響力會產生比以前大得多的後果。

The executive coaching world offers myriad ways to define presence--finding your signature voice, presenting your authentic self, combining strength and warmth. Sylvia Ann Hewlett, founding president of the Center for Talent Innovation, a New York City think tank, says it comes down to just three elements--'how you behave, how you speak and how you look.'

高管輔導行業提出了很多定義“風度”的方式――發現自己最具特色的嗓音、展現真實自我、集優勢和熱情於一身。創建紐約市智庫人才創新中心(Center for Talent Innovation)並任總裁的休利特(Sylvia Ann Hewlett)說，風度可歸結爲三個元素：你的行爲舉止、你的言談和你的外表。

The behavioral part, sometimes called gravitas or intellectual heft, is most important, Ms. Hewlett says, basing her conclusions on her research, including a survey of nearly 4,000 managers and executives, 40 focus groups and dozens of interviews, all of which are the basis for her new book, 'Executive Presence: The Missing Link Between Merit and Success.'

休利特說，行爲舉止部分（有時被稱爲舉止部分或心智部分）最爲重要。這一觀點的依據是她的研究結論，包括對近4,000名管理人員進行的調查、40個小組座談以及數十次採訪，而這些也是她的新書《高管風度：優點與成功之間缺失的環節》(Executive Presence: The Missing Link Between Merit and Success)的基礎。

Gravitas is first and foremost about confidence and staying calm in a stressful situation, and then showing teeth, which means being decisive even when faced with hard choices, Ms. Hewlett says. Emotional intelligence, or an ability to show empathy, also matter.

休利特說，要做到舉止端莊，最重要的就是自信和在有壓力時保持冷靜，其次是表現出強硬的一面，這意味着要果斷，即便是在面對艱難抉擇的情況下。情商，或者說表達情感的能力，也很重要。

Next comes communication, or the ability to express your point of view in an effective way, she says. A concise and compelling speaking style matters most, especially when it isn't scripted. Confident body language and eye contact help you command a room, as does finding a low register for your speaking voice.

她說，其次是溝通，或者說以有效方式表達自己觀點的能力。一種簡潔而又有說服力的講話方式至關重要，特別是脫稿講話。自信的肢體語言和眼神交流有助於你掌控一個房間的氣氛，爲自己的講話聲調找到一個低音區也有同樣的作用。

Appearance is the least important element, according to Ms. Hewlett's survey. Yet it holds a crucial position as a filter, the first test of presence that people subconsciously subject you to. 'If you don't pass that test, no one's going to worry too much about your gravitas because you are struck off the list,' Ms. Hewlett says. Her research has found women are most often discredited because of provocative clothing, while men are docked for appearing out of shape.

休利特的調查結果顯示，外表的重要性最低。但外表承擔着過濾器的重要作用，因爲這是對你的風度給別人留下怎樣印象的最初測試。休利特說，如果你沒有通過這個測試，就沒有人會太在意你舉止是否莊重，因爲你已經被從名單上除名。她的研究還發現，女性多數時候是因爲穿着具有挑逗性而不被信任，而男性更多的時候是因爲身材走樣而受到輕視。

The rise of informal office culture can make it especially hard for women to find presence, Ms. Hewlett says. 'Think Silicon Valley, the shlumpy, nerdy, hoodie thing,' she says. 'It's very hard to look like a rock star or leader-Ly if you do the shlumpy, nerdy thing as a woman.' Ms. Hewlett recalls how, for Facebook's 2012 initial public offering, Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg wore his signature hooded sweatshirt, while Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg wore a blazer. 'She knew that she couldn't copy the guys,' Ms. Hewlett said. It was 'very smart on her part.'

休利特認爲，隨着非正式辦公室文化的興起，女性擁有風度會變得尤爲困難。她說，想想在硅谷，那種懶散的、書呆子氣的連帽衫，如果女性穿上這樣的衣服，很難看起來像是搖滾明星或領導者。休利特回憶起在2012年Facebook進行首次公開募股(IPO)時，首席執行長扎克伯格(Mark Zuckerberg)穿着其標誌性的連帽運動衫，而首席營運長桑德伯格(Sheryl Sandberg)穿了一件休閒西裝。休利特說，桑德伯格知道她不能照搬男性的着裝，這是個非常聰明的選擇。

Consistency is critical--even though being consistent is difficult in our always-connected lives. 'Presence just can't be there on Mondays when you are rested,' says Jessica James, a 31-year-old Brooklyn, N.Y., development director at a nonprofit. who learned about presence from an executive coach. 'It's there with you when you are on a crowded subway, it's there with you when you have lost your luggage or when you are with your husband,' she says.

“一貫性”至關重要――儘管在我們總是互聯的生活中，要保持始終如一是件很難的事情。今年31歲的詹姆斯(Jessica James)來自紐約布魯克林，她在一家非營利機構擔任發展總監。她是從一位高管培訓師那裏瞭解到風度這件事的。她表示，風度不是在每個週一你經過週末休息後精神十足時所展現的。詹姆斯說，風度體現在你在擁擠的地鐵裏時、當你丟了行李時、或者當你和你丈夫在一起時。

Email and texting introduced the need for presence online. Social media has its own set of issues. Beware creating a serious disconnect between your real-life and online presence. You run the risk of falling flat in person. For people who want to highlight another side of themselves on social media, she recommends making sure that other side 'marries well' with the real-life presence.

電子郵件和短信讓催生了在網絡上展現風度的需要。社交媒體有其自己的特定問題。要提防造成真實生活中和網絡上的風度的巨大差異，否則你會面臨“見光死”的風險。對於想要在社交媒體上突出自己另一面的人，詹姆斯建議，確保自己展現出的這個另一面與真實生活中的你“嫁接得很好”。

The first step to finding your presence is self-assessment, experts say. Make a list of your strengths and weakness. Then solicit feedback. Ask your spouse, boss, co-workers and even your followers which words come to mind when they think of you. Give these people permission to be totally honest and to be specific.

專家們表示，找到自己風度的第一步是自我評估。首先列出你的優勢和劣勢，然後徵求周圍人的反饋意見。詢問你的配偶、上司、同事甚至“粉絲”，他們想到你的時候會首先想到哪些詞語。允許他們給出完全誠實和具體的回答。

Don't try to be someone you aren't. If, in the 1-to-10 zone of expressiveness, you are naturally a 3 or a 4, don't suddenly try to be an 8 or 9. Still, introverts, defined as people who get their energy from turning inward, can learn something from extroverts, who get their energy from others, says Peggy Klaus, a Berkeley, Calif., executive coach. Watch for the specific things an extrovert does well, like schmoozing at a cocktail party. Think of them as behaviors or skills that can be learned and applied, not as personality changes.

不要試圖裝扮成一個與你自己本性不一樣的人。假如按照1-10的打分劃定每個人的表現力，而你的分數是3分或4分，那就不要突然試圖裝成8分、9分的那種人。不過，加州伯克利的高管培訓師克勞斯(Peggy Klaus)說，性格內向者（從自己的內心世界獲得能量的人）也能從外向者（從與他人的交流中獲得能量的人）學到些東西。觀察外向者擅長的具體事務，比如說在一個雞尾酒派對上與人聊天。把這些想成可以學習並且運用的行爲或技能，而不是性格的改變。

There is one thing you absolutely must nail, she says--the ability to talk about yourself 'artfully and gracefully,' in real life and online. 'No one is going to do it for you,' says Ms. Klaus, who wrote a 2003 book, 'Brag! The Art of Tooting your Own Horn Without Blowing It.' She recommends devising a 'brag-a-log,' a short, entertaining story about your personal accomplishments. It isn't a laundry list. It's a story that delivers the same points. Humor and an enthusiastic delivery are musts. 'No one would say that you've bragged about yourself because it was entertaining,' Ms. Klaus says.

她表示，有一件事情你必須搞的定，那就是，不管是在現實生活中還是在網絡上，都要擁有藝術地、優雅地介紹自己的能力。克勞斯稱，沒有人會幫你做這件事情。她曾在2003年寫了一本書，名爲《吹噓：如何不露痕跡地自吹自擂》(Brag! The Art of Tooting your Own Horn Without Blowing It)。她建議策劃一篇“吹噓日誌”，也就是一個介紹自己個人成就的簡短而有趣的故事。這不能像一篇流水賬那麼無聊，而應是一個能夠傳遞出同樣信息的故事。幽默以及熱情洋溢的表達是必須的。克勞斯說，因爲故事很有趣，所以沒有人會說你是在自吹自擂。