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親愛的母親,我很感激你

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In Tupac's famous song, Dear Mama, the lyrics say: "No love from my daddy 'cause the coward wasn't there. He passed away and I didn't cry. They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along I was looking for a father he was gone."

Tupac有一首非常出名的歌曲,歌名叫做Dear Mama,歌詞寫道:"沒有父親的愛,因爲那個懦夫根本就不在我們的身邊。他離世了,我沒有哭。他們說我錯了、說我冷酷無情,但我始終尋找一個已經離開的父親。"

It is true, I did not have any father's love when I was growing up because he left my mom, sister and I when I was about five years old.

這是真的,長大的過程中,我沒有感受過父親的愛,因爲他在我5歲的時候,離開了我的母親、姐姐和我。

Today marks over a month since we buried my father. The week leading to his funeral was confusing, emotionally draining and also full of revelations. I didn't know how to tell those close to me about his passing since he was never a part of my upbringing.

距離父親下葬已有一個月了。葬禮的那一週我非常困惑、情緒枯竭,也受到了各種各樣的啓示。我不知該如何告訴那些和我關係親密的人,告訴他們我的父親去世了,因爲他從沒參與過我的成長。

親愛的母親,我很感激你

But he was still my father, present in my life or not.

但他還是我的父親,不管他有沒有在我的生活中出現過。

I have always been vocal about fatherlessness and the power of single mothers who raise boys to be men. I know from my personal experience that it isn't easy for a woman to raise a man. That is why I appreciate my mother and the many other women who raise boys to be great men.

一直以來,我都直言不諱地談論我沒有父親,以及單親母親將小男孩兒養成男人是多麼的了不起。從我的個人經歷中,我知道一個女人把男孩兒養大成人是多麼的不容易。所以我很感激我的母親,也感激很多其它的女人,她們將男孩兒撫養成爲優秀的男人。

So, after hearing the news of his passing, I went straight home to see my mom and sister. In this era of technology, I was worried that someone may overtake me and break the sad news to them. Fortunately, I got home before anyone had passed on the message.

所以,聽聞他過世的消息後,我立馬回家看望我的母親和姐姐。在這個科技時代,我很擔心其他人比我先告知她們這一令人悲傷的消息。幸運的是,我到家之時,尚未有人告訴她們。

There was dead silence.

當時一片死寂。

I asked myself a lot of questions. What do we do? Are we supposed to ask mother dearest for permission to bury our father or at least contribute towards his burial? As adults, do we just make our own decisions?

我問了自己很多問題。我們要做什麼?我們是不是應該徵求最親愛的母親的允許,問她是否可以埋了我們的父親或者至少爲他做點什麼?作爲成年人,我們是不是得自己做決定?

This is where I got to see revelations of character from these two wonderful women in my life. This is when I got to fully see my mother's true character. She just said: "That man is your father, you do whatever feels right."

就在那時,我發現了我生命中最美好的兩個女人的性格。就在此地,我完全看到了母親的真正性格。她只是說:"那個男人是你的父親,你做你覺得對的事情就行了。"

That for me was a sign that my mom was neither bitter nor angry at him, at least not at that point.

對我來說,這表明母親既沒有爲他悲痛也沒有生他的氣,至少當時沒有。

At the end, it was up to us. Our mother did not stand in our way, she gave us the freedom to decide on what to do.

最後,一切都取決於我們。我們的母親沒有阻礙我們,她讓我們自己決定該做些什麼。