雙語賞析：史上最不浪漫的情詩

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
　　Marrying you has screwed up my life
　　我的心肝，我的摯愛，我美麗的賢妻，
　　我這輩子就毀在你手裏。

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
　　That's why I always wake up screaming.
　　你的容顏依稀入夢境，
　　於是我在尖叫中驚醒。

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
　　This describes everything you are not.
　　善良、聰慧、多情而性感，
　　可惜這些你一條都不佔。

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
　　But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
　　愛是上天賜福，愛情多麼美好，
　　可我與你同眠只是因爲喝高。

5. I thought that I could love no other
　　-- that is until I met your brother.
　　曾以爲一生只愛你一個
　　直到遇見你的二表哥。

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
　　But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
　　嬌豔的紫羅蘭，鮮紅的玫瑰，甜蜜的糖，就像你一樣美。
　　但紫羅蘭會凋謝，玫瑰會枯黃，糖碗空空如也，和你的腦袋一樣。

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
　　But don't take that paper bag off your face.
　　我渴望你溫柔的擁抱，
　　但別把你臉上的面具摘掉。

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
　　Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
　　我愛你的明眸，你的臉龐，你的微笑，
　　媽的，我真是說謊不打草稿！

9. My love, you take my breath away.
　　What have you stepped in to smell this way?
　　愛人啊，你簡直讓我窒息，
　　你在哪沾上的一身臭氣？

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
　　Except for maybe "Go to hell."
　　我對你的深情無法付諸言語，
　　除了一句“滾一邊去”！

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
　　Two parts vodka, one part lime.
　　是什麼激發了我多情的詩篇？
　　伏特加兩杯，酸檸檬一片。