爆笑！親哥哥親姐姐們的神操作

有個親哥哥或者親姐姐會是什麼感覺？

至少你能多發很多朋友圈。

My Leg Amputated And My Brother Shows Up To The Hospital Dressed As A Pirate

我的一條腿截肢了，我哥哥來醫院看望，打扮成了海盜的樣子。

'The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem' - Captain Jack Sparrow

“問題的關鍵不是問題本身， 而是你面對這個問題的態度。”——傑克船長

Brother Never Fails To Disappoint With His Personalised Christmas Gifts - This Year He Made Me A Calendar

我哥哥的私人訂製版聖誕禮物從未不讓我失望——今年他爲我自制了一本日曆。

Whoa your brother is a treasure. I'd like him to be mine since my own siblings are too boring to do cool stuff like this for their beloved Eldest.

你哥哥真是個寶貝。真希望他是我的哥哥，因爲我自己的弟弟妹妹們都很無聊，從不爲我這個大姐姐做出什麼很酷的事情。

Always Get Each Other Ironic Gifts, My Little Sister Killed It This Year: Batteries Not Included

我和我的小妹妹總是互贈惡搞的禮物。今年她的禮物堪稱一絕：玩具禮盒裏沒有的電池。

"Uh, both the batteries (if they have a charge) and the baggy can be useful. So thanks for allowing me to power my TV remote and store small, easily lost items."

“呃，電池（如果不是廢電池）很好用，裝電池的袋子也很好用。非常感謝你讓我給手機遙控器”

Is How My 2.5-Year-Old Niece Insists On Holding Her New Baby Brother

我2歲半的侄女堅持要帶着這個面具，才肯抱抱她剛出生的弟弟

20 years later: where does my irrational fear of werewolves come from....

20年後：我的狼人恐懼症是怎麼來的呢？

Emt Brother Got Me A Very Important Medical Bracelet This Year

我的哥哥是內科急診專家。今年他送給我一個醫護手環，上面寫着一行非常重要的話。（請刪除我的瀏覽器記錄）

Yes, I already have given my brother a few instructions if i die before my time, delete browser history, smash my external hard drive and please, please, please check under the chest of drawers in the shed and dispose of whatever you find.

沒錯，我也對我弟弟交代了幾句話，告訴他如果我早早離世，他必須爲我做的事：刪除我的網頁瀏覽記錄，毀掉我的移動硬盤，而且一定、一定要查看一下五斗櫃底下，無論找到什麼，一律處理掉。

6.I Texted My Younger Brother During Graduation To Remind Him That Full Time Employment Is Right Around The Corner

我在弟弟的畢業典禮上給他發了個短信，提醒他即將成爲全職坐班狗。

Forty plus years to go.

還有四十多年要奮鬥呢。

祝我最好的姐姐情人節快樂。是媽媽逼我寫這張卡的，我都要寫死了，不過反正我愛你。

friend's Brother Was Very Honest Today

我女朋友的弟弟今天非常誠實。

Ah, the love between siblings...

姐弟間的感情呀

Sister And Her Boyfriend Are Heading Up To Our Cabin Tomorrow Night, So I Left Them A Present For When They Turn On The Lights

我姐姐和她的男朋友明天晚上要到我家的小木屋過夜，我給他們準備了一個禮物，當他們打開燈的時候……

Just thought I would enjoy an ice cold beer while robbing your house.

我還以爲我可以一邊呷着冰鎮啤酒，一邊在你的房子裏實施盜竊。

nts' Reaction To My Best Man Speech At My Brother's Wedding: Priceless

在我哥哥的婚禮上，我作爲伴郎演講的時候，爹媽的表情：堪稱無價之寶的表情。

He's not ours. We found him at the side of the road as a baby.

他不是親生的。他是我們在路邊撿到的小嬰兒。

Your Siblings Ever Tell You Were Adopted? Did They Ever Make Fake Adoption Papers And Emails? Well Mine Did

你的哥哥姐姐有沒有告訴過你，你是被領養的？他們會僞造領養證明和郵件嗎？我的哥哥姐姐就這樣做了。

I'm 100% sure youre still as cute as when they found you.

我十分確信，現在的你就和被領養時一樣可愛。

Appendix Burst And My Brothers Are Wankers

我因闌尾破裂住院，而我的哥哥弟弟們是一羣傻叉。

HAHAHA, I love these guys! Hahaha.

哈哈哈，我喜歡這幾個小夥子，哈哈哈！

安裝任何東西前一定要閱讀全部信息！！！

I Returned My Sister's Computer After Fixing It

我幫妹妹修好電腦後，是這樣還給她的

Did you fix it where she can't delete that wallpaper?

你有沒有設置成，桌面無法修改？

t 5 Years Ago, I Put Googly Eyes On A Picture Of My Brother As A Baby. They're Still There To This Day

五年前，我弟弟還是個小嬰兒的時候，我在他的照片上放了玩具金魚眼。直到如今這兩隻玩具金魚眼還在那裏。

Would be funny if he was literally still wearing the googly eyes everywhere he went.

想想看，他把金魚眼貼在自己的眼睛上四處走動，也是極搞笑的。

15.I Had A Lot Of Explaining To Do When My Parents Found This On Their Camera Roll... In My Defense He Deserved It...

我父母洗膠捲的時候發現了這張照片，我百口莫辯。爲了洗白，我只能說，他自找的。

I believe you. Hope it was worth it.

我相信你。希望你這樣做是值得的。

Sister Said "Powerwashing Does Nothing". I Retaliated In The Only Way I Know How

我姐姐告訴我，“使用高壓清洗機沒什麼用。”我用自己唯一擅長的辦法對她進行了報復。

I envy that her penmanship with a powerwasher is better than mine ever will be.

她用高壓清洗機寫字，字還能這麼好看，我永遠都比不上，真讓人嫉妒。

I Was Younger I Used To Like Pulling The Heads Off Of My Sister's Barbie Dolls And Drawing A Face On The Stump Underneath

小時候我經常虐待妹妹的芭比娃娃，把她們的腦袋拔下來，在脖子上凸起的地方畫上臉。

Thanks for giving me a preview of my next nightmare!

謝謝你讓我預覽了一下今晚我會做的噩夢。

Brother And His Fiancé Left Me Their House For The Weekend.

我哥哥和他的未婚妻允許我週末借住在他們的房子裏。

Nothing wrong with that.

沒毛病。

19.I Just Turned Thirty Years Old And Have Mixed Feelings About It. My Younger Brother Sent Me This Care Package

我剛滿了三十歲，心情比較複雜。我弟弟給我送了這個愛心包裹。

That's a great care package! Great choices by your bro.

多棒的愛心包裹！你弟弟真會挑禮物！

3-Year-Old Finally Beat Her Brother At Candy Land. He Was Not Okay

我三歲的妹妹和她的小弟弟一起玩遊戲盒，她贏了，弟弟很不開心。

I swear I can hear her maniacal laugh of achievement from looking at the picture.

我發誓，光是看着這張照片，我就能聽到她在狂笑。

er Welcomes Newborn Sibling To The Family

姐姐是這樣對剛回家的新生兒弟弟表示歡迎的

Who can blame her... .

誰能責怪她呢。

（翻譯：小木）